The '8 Year Old Talk'

   When Anna was just 4 and Beth 2 we were still living in England and for our holiday one summer we did a house swap with a family in Suffolk who also had two young children. One of the books they had was 'Teaching Your Children Values' by Linda and Richard Eyre which became our holiday reading. On returning home we bought our own copy and this book, along with some of their other titles, have been one of our most read resources. We find that their ideas and advice suit us particularly well as they also had a large family (9 children!). I have read a lot of parenting books over the years and usually take something from most but find a lot of them, like Naomi Aldort for example, whilst very good, are a bit purist to translate into a household of 6 children so close together in age.
Anyway, one idea they did in their family was the '8 year old talk'. The idea of this is that one evening after the child has turned 8, you take them out to dinner on their own so they feel very special and grown up. Then later on in the evening, having told them that you are going to be discussing something amazing and wonderful, you have the 'big talk' with the help of the book 'Where Did I Come From' by Peter Mayle.
Eight sounds quite young but actually we think it is the appropriate age for our children. When we did this the first two times with Anna and Beth they were both in school and one of our considerations was that we wanted to 'get in first' before they were hearing talk from misinformed peers in the playground. Also at 8 children are at an inquisitive age and able to understand adequately but not old enough to get embarrassed as a young teen would. We also think that by tackling this topic openly at this age that we are opening the channels of communication and so they feel they can come to us about anything, there are no taboo's.

The other week it was Caitlins turn to be taken out for her 8 year old talk. She was very excited, having been looking forward to it since Beth's evening out. When you have 5 siblings it's a really big deal to go out on your own and have Mammy and Daddy to yourself because usually we end up doing everything as a crowd. We also like to take the opportunity to tell the child why they are so special and that we really love and appreciate them so much for who they are because again in a big family individual time can be hard to find.

Anna and Beth helped Caitlin get ready in her best outfit and we went to a Chinese Restaurant as she had requested. As it was evening she was the only child in the restaurant so the staff made a big fuss of her and she felt very grown up. It was a lovely evening which I think she will always remember.